Night of the long knives v2.0

Ernst Röhm learned the hard way about wanting too much too soon in front of his master. The Night of the Long Knives was the Nazi blood purge of 1934 whereby Röhm was done in by his own naked ambition running counter to the machinations of Hitler's other two henchmen, Himmler and Goering. Those two sought to discredit Röhm and undermine his contributions to the Reich which were substantial. He created the infamous Brown Shirts. Soon enough, Hitler broke with one of his earliest and arguably closest minions and even lead the purge personally, pistol in hand.

Trump doesn't have that in him. The actual chutzpah and cojones for getting his hands dirty. They're too small and coated in Teflon. Makes it hard for him to hold chopsticks much less a firearm, I'm told. Melania likes to feed him spaghetti while wearing a clear plastic raincoat. And nothing else. I've heard she insisted on the raincoat ever since 2010 after his ass fell. 

We all need to thank the Almighty for Trump. Not in the rabid MAGA sense but rather in understanding that this guy is dangerous but could be a whole lot worse if he were truly intelligent. If Machiavelli understood it five hundred years ago then we should take solace. By which I mean if we judge the Prince by the people he gathers around him then VOILA! Trump surrounds himself with sycophants, true-believers and KoolAid swilling wannabes. I heard they keep one of those old-timey self-serve KoolAid Machines just inside the foyer of the White House. I think it helps to hammer a shot before entering the residence.

So if by that measurement purveyed by the famous Florentine political baller then it could be much worse say if the shill or be killed blondie behind the press room podium was actually a Goebbels we'd be in deep doodoo. If Hegseth were a Goering we'd be in deeper and if Tulsi Gabbard were a Himmler, we'd be so screwed it brings a chill to this old warm heart. So take heart, NONE of these are anything like the aforementioned Nazis. Not that they don't wannabe...

The clown car is on fire...

Has anyone in a MAGA hat ever smelled burning plastic? If they had they'd have noticed that the clown car is on fire and the driver is busy elsewhere. Perhaps preening for the cameras? Oh sure, he has a man-date (sounds a little queer to me) from all the little people. Riiiiiiight. Thankfully, it's fastened to the top of a blood-red velvet pillow placed upon a gilded kneeling bench. Really is quite ceremonious. 

It looks like a cock ring but actually it is an 18k gilt piston ring from a Soviet-era Lada sedan. It was a gift from his special comrade. Vlad had it made just for him. For those unfamiliar with the Lada, it had a tiny engine. Little engine little piston rings. But this one is an all-in-one surveillance tool with a hidden 4K camera-microphone and a GPS locator. Trump keeps it on the credenza behind the Resolute desk for when important stuff happens. Like taking a blow torch to the world economy or stripping people of their rights and citizenship for not voting for him.

So let's see what else this POTUS has done in his first (er uh 2nd) hundred days compliments of the NYT.

The Trump Administration’s First 100 Days

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• Framing the Past by Erasing Parts of It: As the Trump administration pulls government websites and data offline, it is selectively stripping away the public record, letting President Trump declare his own version of history, archivists and historians said.

• Weakened Cyber defenses, Rising Danger: The firing of the head of the National Security Agency was only the latest move that has eroded the country’s fortifications against cyberattacks, especially those targeting elections.

• Loomer’s Role in Firings: The firing of national security officials on the advice of Laura Loomer, a far-right agitator and conspiracy theorist, unsettled even some veteran Trump officials. In his second term, the president has fewer people around him who try to keep dubious sources away.

• Anti-Trump Protests: Demonstrators packed the streets in several cities to bemoan what they considered a lack of strong opposition to the president and his policies.

• Department of Homeland Publicity: A cabinet member’s social feed is one example of the administration’s turn to reality-TV tactics — slick, showy, sometimes cruel — as a means of government.

•  Lab Tracking Rising S.T.I.s Shuttered: Drug-resistant gonorrhea, a form of the widespread sexually transmitted infection, is considered an urgent health threat worldwide. The United States has just lost its ability to detect it.

• Law Firms Back Perkins Coie in Fight: More than 500 law firms signed a so-called friend of the court brief that was filed on behalf of Perkins Coie, the first firm to receive an executive order restricting its business.

• Medical Research Funding: A federal judge permanently barred the Trump administration from limiting funding from the National Institutes of Health that supports research at universities and academic medical centers, but it set up an almost certain appeal.

  Cue Louis Armstrong's A Wonderful World...
  

Hunter S. Thompson would've known what to say...

Where's Hunter when you really need him? Dead, of course. And dear readers if you're not aware or have never heard of the man, check IMDB for Johnny Depp and back up a bit. Mr. Depp and earlier Bill Murray played him in movies and the former was a friend of the man. What I'm saying is that I'm old enough to know H.S. Thompson through his WORK instead of the shade that was Depp's and Murray's version of the man. Mannerisms, chicanery and the ever present cigarette holder aside, the man was a gifted writer and the preeminent "gonzo" reporter from 1960 through to his death in 2005. 

Nowadays he'd be pilloried for his prose. He simply didn't care about political correctness. He considered it the last defense of the indefensible and a bastion of cowardice. Me too. While the concept is laudable, it's the uneven application that puts my Fruit-of-the-Looms in a twist. I believe that's the prima facie reason Democrats have lost their way. They left behind the working man/woman for the faux Elysium of diversity, equity and inclusiveness. Again, nice concept unevenly applied. 

Hunter Thompson's words dragged us to the well of naked and unadorned truth and held us down by the neck until we slurped. He answered all the questions as great reportage is want of and more. He shined the light of a lava lamp seasoned by his acerbic wit and served up with a heapin-helpin of guffaws. As was always with Hunter, the fun was the context of his reporting and his drive to discover the truth no matter how twisted or convoluted the path. The things he loathed were many. The things he loved were many too.

During his time no one deserved his ire more than Richard Milhouse Nixon. He was relentless right up until the POTUS double peace signed the country before fucking off from the White House for the last time on Marine One. While Nixon's accomplishments were historical, it was his tomfoolery that cost him his job. It can be said that even Nixon knew when to leave. Trump has no such filter nor moral center. He would have had his co-conspirators shot before allowing them to testify. Or at least sent to Guantanamo hog tied and ball gagged.

We could use Hunter now. Unfortunately he was an original and did not come from a mold. His was a singular voice of his generation. With civil rights, Vietnam, Nixon and Wall Street he had fertile ground to plow. And he did so with aplomb. We miss you Hunter. If you haven't already insulted our Maker, maybe you could wrangle a name out of him for your replacement. We need them bad. Send them soon. Send them now.

A particular kind of madness...

 It takes one to know one, right? Is that why crazy goes unchecked? The crazies looking out for one another. That figures. Now that the Trumpian White House v2 is coming what are we to look for that might tip the rest of us off that the neuroses is reaching critical mass? 

Maybe Trump will start by firing someone and have them marched out to the south lawn and really fired. Maybe he'll try to burnish Jeff Epstein's reputation and claim the whole thing was a witch hunt perpetrated by Nancy Pelosi and George Soros. Or more likely give blanket immunity to the traitors that stormed the capitol and tried to overturn a national election by force.

No, you say. Preposterous you add. Well he's already tried flying Matt Gaetz through as Attorney General. I mean really people? What did you expect? There is no other way. To serve the Trump, you have to bend the knee, kiss the ring and flush any self respect down the drain. Oh and yell, "Murica!" really loud and repeatedly.

Such is the state of our malaise. Heads filled with Trumpian dogma. I use little bags to pick up dogma out of my backyard. I used to flip it over the fence with a shovel till the neighbor complained. Some people have no sense of humor. Anyway, if you had a shovel in D.C. what would you do with it? I know what I'd do but then I'm a little crazy, remember?

Good thing there's always an altar call...

 It's like being dragged up that first incline on the world's biggest roller coaster. Clickety clack clickety clack... the building excitement... the anticipation... Oh wait... that was the first time. Now it's the second time and he's had time to get his circus trained. He is truly now the ringmaster. Last time he was barking out his ineptness high and low to a mixed bag of idiots and sycophants. Now it's just the sycophants and billionaires whose ears he's filled with favoritism. The idiots still love him too.

The TrumPOTUS is playing Santa to the super yacht biz jet class while promising the rest of us a lump of coal. Y'know to heat our homes with. Promise delivered! For the nouveau ruling class it's, "Let's see what we have in the bag... an ambassadorship to Italy for you... deputy Secretary of Defense for you... ambassadorship to Switzerland for you... Attorney General for you... and the grift-n-graft will continue. Donald Trump likes to talk about the swamp all the while openning all channels to his personal wealth. This cocksucker loves the swamp!

Okay America, you may think you were protecting the realm from the evils of liberality in favor of being ruled by an "imperfect vessel." BAAAAAAA!!! Wrong, but thanks for playing. You like the guy because (fill in the blank) and because he's not a blackish woman with something the people of the still greatest nation used to respect--character. 

But no, we'd rather rally around a perfect asshole and call him imperfect (as in felon) like he could absolve us of all our sin and set us on a path to prosperity and righteousness. He will single-handedly smite our enemies (immigrants and everyone that didn't vote for him) crown himself emperor pro-tem and all the while creating a bitcoin superpower. Such a deal. All we had to do was check our good sense and morals at the voting pole door. 

Who needs Jesus when you have Trump? Who indeed.

Extinction event...

It seems Neanderthals were a hairy bunch. They died out a long time ago. So they said. Now there's DNA evidence that the once thought extinct bunch of hirsute bipeds are still with us. Seems some things never die while others like the Dodo and moderate Republicans just can't catch a break.

In science classes we find out that there have been several extinction events that have steered our existence. It's impossible to understand or even consider the ways we have evolved as a civilization without them. Nature isn't cruel. It just doesn't give a damn. 

We're no better. History is rife with examples of unintended consequences of something that up until it exploded or melted down or took out a town or something good at first--turned sour. We forget that it took an entire factory full of women to burn to death before basic safety protocols were invented. It took a school full of kids getting blown to smithereens before they added the funky odor to natural gas so you can smell a leak. Shall I go on?

Suffice to say that we are a thick-headed species. We'd rather be led down the path with promises of rainbows, clean coal and a life without liberals or murderous immigrants rather than take responsibility and triangulate the truth. Ernest Hemingway said for a writer and especially a reporter that they needed to keep their bullshit meter turned up in order to find the truth. Trump blows the fuse on those every time.

Trump has taken over by the not-wrong-headed notion that people don't really give a damn till their grocery cart eats half their paycheck. Then they'll blame immigrants, transsexuals and their dead mamas for the spike in the price of eggs. Even when it's verifiable bullshit, they still believe. Confirmation bias is real. This is exactly why I left "the church" and now the GOP. Bullshit by any other name is still a path to Hades.

The Grand Old Party is finished. There is only the Donald. Why? My guess is that it's every American's dream to be the bull in the Temu warehouse. To break shit, leave the mess for someone else to clean up and nab a few bargains on the way out the door. The scary part is that it's our democracy and not a Hong Kong knockoff shop gone viral. 

Now Americans have another choice to make. Stand and fight or bend the knee. If the Democrats want to be the candle in the dark then they'd damn well better get on with it. Spark it up for chrissake! We need to build a new liberal-conservative Democratic party. An enlightened Left of center movement with education, civil exchange and shared responsibility as their cornerstones. One that seeks substantive compromise rather than innuendo, subterfuge and fearmongering. One that wants to win for people instead of a twisted ideal. One that truly is of, by and for the people. All the people. The ones that were here first as well as all of those that came after. What a wonderful country it could be. 

Meanwhile Elvis has left the building.

The Undead and Other Nuisances...

So now the orange haired wonder is starting to babble openly and not just at his rallies. Hmm, better have him tested. I'm thinking when it's all said and punned, he'll be dead by his own hand. He will have dangled himself off his golden crapper. He will be watching Kamala's first State of the Union address buoyed by the roiling success of her first one hundred days. 

His brand now diminished the only outlets open for his blather are the tabloids. After the election, he retired as promised to his villa in Venezuela where he suffers rolling blackouts. He had his golden throne moved from Trump Tower just before the NY taxing authority seized the building along with a good portion of his remaining assets. They were not as large as he claimed. The new owners scooped up the property at the ensuing tax sale. It is now the world headquarters for a chain of dollar stores.

The Venezuelan police said he was on his golden toilet and the silk rope he had around his neck from the night before got picked up by his state-of-the-art autonomous vac system. The bot was passing by the bathroom and snagged the rope yanking him off his thrown in mid grunt. When the security team arrived they reported hearing a rhythmic thumping and squealing sounding like the Supreme Bloviator defiling another hamster. The local pet stores are sold out.

The vac was thumping against the door to the bathroom tethered to the lifeless form on the other side of the door. The Donald will be found blue lipped and bug-eyed lying face down in his own pee. His come-over lolling back in forth still attached behind one ear with a piece of tape. Before the darkness reclaims him, he scrawls upon the Italian marble floor, I wo...

Ivanka will identify the corpse by the Lil' Devil tattoo on his ass. Jared's cock cage will become infected having lost the key in 2019. Uday and Qusay will lock themselves in the powder room of dollar store tower's penthouse and attempt to snort their way through a pound of coke in one sitting. The coke will be laced with fentanyl yet they still do not die! They will however shit their pants and fall back in it.